Thicker than Water: A Memoir

Kerry Washington is an award-winning actor who is most known for her role as Olivia Pope in Scandal, an ABC network drama about a political fixer in Washington, DC. She also appeared in Ray (2004), The Last King of Scotland (2006), Django Unchained (2012), and Little Fires Everywhere (2020), among other films, documentaries, and television series. She won a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Variety Special (Live) for Live in Front of a Studio Audience: “All in the Family” and “Good Times” (2019). Her memoir, Thicker Than Water (2023), describes her relationship with her parents (and its effect on her life and acting career), culminating in the discovery that she was conceived using an anonymous sperm donation.

This guide refers to the 2023 hardback edition of Thicker Than Water published by Little, Brown Spark, an imprint of Little, Brown and Company.

Content Warning: The source material contains depictions of sexual assault, infertility issues, and disordered eating and exercise.

Plot Summary

The Prologue describes how Kerry’s mother, Valerie, texted to ask her to talk. Kerry goes over and listens as Valerie begins by reminding her that she and Kerry’s father struggled to conceive. Kerry feels like she is underwater.

The narrative jumps to describing when Kerry was filming some of her final scenes on Scandal, a TV show on which she played Washington, DC, political fixer Olivia Pope. It then flashes back to the late 1960s and describes how Kerry’s parents met and later reconnected after Valerie’s first marriage ended. Valerie was a professor, and Earl worked in finance before opening a realty company. Kerry felt like it was hard to meet his expectations and overall felt strangely disconnected from both her parents, whom she perceived as performing perfection, not wanting to admit that they struggled emotionally and financially.

The Washingtons lived in the Bronx in the Jamie Towers apartment complex, which Valerie had kept after her divorce, and Kerry spent much of each summer swimming in the pool there. Kerry was eventually placed in a program for gifted students, which required traveling further to school, and began acting, though she was certain she would not receive some roles, because she was not white.

Earl drank, and he and Valerie often fought when Kerry went to bed. Though Kerry could hear their arguments, she did not admit it at first, and they pretended that all was well in the morning. However, she started staying up because they did not want her to see them fighting and thus fought less when they knew she was awake. When she was seven, she began to have panic attacks at night.

A friend at a sleepover sexually assaulted Kerry at a young age while she was sleeping. At first, she was unsure what was happening but eventually confronted him about it. However, she did not tell anyone what had happened because she did not think he could handle the consequences of his actions. In addition, he initially gaslighted her, so she did not fully trust herself, which her attempts to be perfect for her family exacerbated.

Acting provided Kerry an outlet because she could embody someone else, giving them a full life in which they were not hiding from anyone. She allowed herself to escape into this life. Her first professional audition was at 13, and while she did not get the part, the casting director recommended her to talent agencies, leading her to sign a contract with J. Michael Bloom, which represented many child and young actors. She was also involved with the Serving Teens through Arts Resources (STAR) program.

Kerry attended George Washington University, where she designed a major in Performance Studies and dedicated herself to developing her acting skill. In addition, she began to engage in binge eating and exercising. After graduation, she studied for a year in India and then returned to start her career as an actor. Her first role was in Our Song, and then she appeared in Save the Last Dance. After acting alongside Meg Ryan in Against the Ropes, she decided not to take any more roles in which she would play a white woman’s best friend. Shortly thereafter, she gained praise for portraying Della Bea Robinson, Ray Charles’s second wife, in Ray with Jamie Foxx. This role reminded her that acting was a craft, and she didn’t need to get every take perfect. After appearing in The Last King of Scotland with Forest Whitaker, she reached a level that some referred to as “Black Famous,” meaning that Black film fans were aware of her and her name, but she was generally anonymous.

In late 2007, Kerry met soon-to-be President Barack Obama and began to work on his campaign, which she greatly enjoyed because she helped people understand the importance of voting and because the lack of routine on the campaign trail didn’t let her think too much about her body, since she still struggled with her body image. She later served on the President’s Committee on the Arts and Humanities.

In 2012, Kerry starred in Django Unchained and accepted the role of Olivia on Scandal. Being on the latter was a whirlwind because no one was sure it would succeed; ABC initially only gave it six episodes, but because of the cast’s social media presence (which Kerry led) the show garnered enough attention to be renewed. Over the show’s seven seasons, Kerry grew closer with other cast members, allowing herself to become as confident and assertive as Olivia. In 2016, she portrayed Anita Hill in Confirmation, and through Anita’s experience of sexual violence, Kerry found healing and catharsis for her own trauma, recognizing that the many roles she had played could help her find greater peace.

In Chapter 13, the narrative returns to Kerry’s conversation with her parents in 2018, during which she learned that she was conceived with the help of an anonymous sperm donor. Kerry felt relief, discovering that her instinct that her parents were keeping something from her was correct, and could now focus on better understanding herself. However, because the doctor had told her parents to go home and have sex, a chance existed that Earl was her biological father. He initially refused to do a paternity test but eventually agreed, and the results showed that he was not her biological father. Nevertheless, Kerry emphasizes that he is the father she chose.

Kerry grew closer to her mother, becoming her caretaker when she was diagnosed with cancer for the fourth time in 2021. She eventually recovered. Kerry ends her memoir ends by noting how she loves being underwater because it is the place where she can hear herself most clearly.